So it's been a year since I've written on here. A lot has happened in that year. I got pregnant, left my job, had a baby, strengthened some relationships and dissolved others. I plan on using this space more to reflect and record my thoughts on all these changes and the changes yet to come.
Because of my leaving my lucrative management position so as to better raise our child, we don't have Internet. Thus, the writing will happen in a stutter and with seized opportunity.
We also do not have a home phone. And we've never had cable or satellite. We are living on my husband's wages. We make too much for any kind of help from the government. I am pleased with all these things. We have to monitor our budget, be careful with groceries and make sure we turn the lights off when we leave the room. Gone are the days of eating out and buying frivolous things at Wal-Mart. It's exciting and scary at the same time.
This is how I desired my life to be. Simple. Broken down. Basic. Do I wish we had enough money to pay off our medical bills? Of course! Would it make our lives easier if I could buy whatever we wanted for food? Absolutely! But it's essential we learn how to better appreciate the gifts God has given us. It's not about easy.
We went to bed one night as carefree kids and woke up as adults with a boatload of responsibility. We're grown-ups now, Hurray! Totally not being sarcastic, I'm serious. I look around at so many of the people I 'grew up' with and they still haven't gotten it. They're on their second or third kid and still think they're owed something. Like, they got a raw deal. They don't want to give up their 'dreams' in order to give their little ones a better life. But their dreams usually consist of bar hopping, cigarettes, and blowing their money on video games and electronics. Not really the kind of stuff that pays the bills and makes your kids respect you.
We don't do it all right. We don't make the best decisions. But we're trying, desperately, to be in God's Will. There's a lot of sacrificing what our flesh wants. And we still have a long way to go. But I feel like we're closer than we've ever been before. I love to paint and watch movies and drive around town with the windows down listening to a CD I just bought. Can't do most of that right now. I paint occasionally, when my responsibilities allow. I watch movies that I already own but usually broken into 15-20 minute segments. And I try not to go anywhere if i don't have to because we can't afford gas.
But the truth is, I don't mind. I actually feel closer to my dreams than i ever have before. God longs to give us the desires of our heart. Who knows my heart better than Him? I've been studying my Word more and more every day. And I feel more fulfilled and complete by simplifying my life the way we have.
I'm not trying to condemn other people's parenting skills or say that they're kids are gonna completely hate them when they grow up. I'm just bringing up things I've observed. They different choices I've witnessed and the results that has brought about. So if you come at me with vengeance in your eyes maybe you should take a step back. Examine your choices thus far and see if you're actually doing all you can to be a better person and teach your kids how to be decent human beings instead of jerks. Whoa, back up. Did I just say that? Do I really expect people to take responsibility for themselves? Yes, I really do.
There has been other simplifications in our lives too that i haven't discussed yet. Perhaps in the coming weeks I'll dive into that hornet's nest.
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