Healthy versus unhealthy. I've been thinking a lot lately about these two terms and how they play a role in my life. Sometimes there are factors in our environment that can make us unhealthy, things we can't control. And the rest... completely up to us. I've been unhappy with myself for most of my life. Like most girls I have suffered the same negative thoughts about my body, my heart and anything I have to offer this world let alone my God. Eating has always been my way of hiding. As long as I am eating, I am not hurting anyone but me. I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm angry, I eat when I'm happy. Eating to comfort myself and my insecurities only managed to make them worse. Because then, I felt guilty and needed to be comforted more, thus, I would continue eating. As you can see, it's an awful circle in which I chased myself. Well, that's all changing.
God is good. And His grace is larger than I can conceive. It is in this grace that I now choose to reside. Does that make me reckless in my lifestyle choices now? Does that give me a 'free pass' ? Can I go around all 'will-nilly' behaving like a spoiled child? No. In fact, a resounding No. He has forgiven me for my past actions. But all actions have consequences. I now have a higher risk for heart-disease, diabetes and breast cancer. I screwed up my body so completely that I can't even sleep properly. I dug myself into a hole where none of my dreams live. And only He knows how long it will take to climb out.
When you start the journey towards healing, there can be many steps before you reach the goal. I'm reading this book that is teaching me all the things I never knew about food and hormones. I didn't realize how crappy I've been treating myself all these years. In an effort to reverse my past choices, I've switched to eating nothing but organic foods. I've almost completely eliminated all prossessed foods from my diet. And it's awesome! I have more energy, I sleep better and
I don't feel as 'weighed down' as I used to.
Because I've become to 'hyper-aware' of what I'm putting in my mouth, I've started to pay attention to the stuff I put in my head as well. Healthy isn't limited to my weight or complexion or how long it takes me to run a mile. Healthy is physical, it's mental, it's emotional and it's spiritual. You really can't just focus on the one and forget the others. They all interact with one another. How I feel seriously affects how I eat. And my spiritual health affects how I think and relate to others. They're all connected.
I'm going to go into all these aspects in more detail. It will probably take me several blogs to explore them completely. I'm excited about this journey. I'm even more excited that I have a place I can share it with others. Maybe, as I delve in to the dark reasons why we hurt ourselves, I can help to point you towards the God that has replaced my pain for passion and my weakness for tenacity.
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